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People Networking - Caroline Newman

Networking - Discussion between Michael Beale and Caroline Newman, October 2007.

Caroline Newman, Managing Director Newman Consulting Ltd, explains her view of networking, where and when she networks and what she considers to be some of capabilities and beliefs of effective networkers.

Listen on iTunes

http://www.ppimk.com/nlp-podcast/caroline.mp3 

Michael - Good Morning Caroline, firstly I’ll really thank you for taking part in this discussion.

Caroline - It's my pleasure Michael

Michael – Please introduce yourself and give us an idea of who you are and what you do. 

Caroline - Yes, my name is Caroline Newman, I just recently discovered my identity about who I am, it took me a while to figure it out, but I 'm an inspirational and grateful entrepreneur - that's my identity. I have several roles, I coach lawyers, I help lawyers basically deal with their stressful lifestyles. I'm also the mother of two boys, and I have a beautiful relationship with my partner Steve Oxlade. 

Michael - What does networking mean to you? 

Caroline - For me network mean connecting with people, finding out what people do, so either you can help them - or you can use the information that they're giving you to help yourself, so you can refer people to them or so that you can use their services yourself.  

As far as I'm concerned if you're not networking, you're not working. As far as I'm concerned, your network is your net worth, as well.  

So I think that when I'm networking I'm actually building my net worth, and I've always found that to be the case, I've proved this many, many times to myself, and I've simply been actually humbled with how open people are to helping.

Michael - So where and when do you do it? 

Caroline – Wow, I do it everywhere I go, wherever I am, whoever I meet - I now realise that anybody who I meet may be a potential client or a prospect, or knows somebody who may well be. Or that anybody I meet I can help in some way, so wherever I am, if I'm at the queue in Nero's waiting for a coffee I'll do it there.  

In a structured environment I do it at Blackstar, I'm a Ecademy Black Star member. And we meet every month, a face to face one-to-one with other members of Blackstar. I do it at NRG networking lunches, I'm an excel-live member, so every month we have mensa meetings, I do it at seminars, at courses, and I do it as a solicitor with the law society.

I have an international network, I've just come back from Bali, I now have an international network that spans New Zealand, Australia, Malaysia, Spain, Caroline - Slovakia, Poland - so wherever I want to go in the world as well as the Caribbean where my natural roots are.  

Wherever I want to go in the world and do business I know someone in that country.  

Michael - Now just imagine that you're going to a networking meeting, what do you actually do?

Caroline – Firstly I stand by and just observe the room, I look around and then sometimes I might just go to somebody that I like the look of, either they're standing alone or they're somebody that I know. These days I actively try to find somebody that I don't know. On one occasion I was at an event and I decided to just stand and I would wait for people to come to me! 

Michael - and? 

Caroline - It was quite scary. Well, I thought well whoever needs me at this event - they will come to me. So I just literally just stood and it was very uncomfortable there in this large room full of people. 

And people did, people came to me. One of them is still a friend to this day, she's a musician. 

Michael - Ok. If you were to teach somebody to network, somebody who didn’t have your experience, what would you suggest they did? 

Caroline – Gosh, there's two things that I would suggest they do. Number one is to come with a completely open mind. 

Michael- Yes 

Caroline - And at the same time I would say to them to have an outcome in mind.  

I've often found, for example at NRG open lunches, you're sometimes given the option of choosing who you'd like to sit next to. And sometimes I'll think “you know what? No. Just put me next to anyone” and that's perfectly fine.   

The other thing I'd say as well is to be in the right frame of mind, be in a frame of mind of gratitude - and also the frame of mind of giving rather than getting and remember people can smell desperation a mile away!   

Just come in with an attitude that says 'I'm here to give, what can I give to you? How can I serve you?' I learnt a very interesting thing about Bill Clinton the other day - everybody loves bill Clinton, whatever he does, he can do no wrong it seems. And somebody asked him in an interview one time “what is it about you that makes everybody love you so much?” and he said - he said "it doesn't matter who the person is, when I approach them all that I'm thinking in my mind is thank you.' 

Michael- Carry on. 

And that's why people warm to him, because he's coming to them without judging them, just saying “thank you, thank you for living in my world, thank you for being in my space” There’s another thing that people can do, come just to have fun as well. 

Michael - What skills do you think you have that allow you to network so well? 

Caroline -The most important skill Michael, is of course to listen. 

Caroline - and without judgement. And without thinking “oh what can this person do for me? Oh they can't do anything for me, I'll move on to the next person.”  That's how not to do it. Just listen. Just have a conversation.  

And then when it's your turn to speak, speak. Connect with a person, listen to what they're saying. And the other thing that I've found as well, I have a lot of expertise on the area of diversity, so I've met a lot of different types of cultures.

Having some cultural awareness as well is so important - for example, so if you're talking about an international network, and of course the whole world now, and London especially is a very diverse and international culture - the Japanese for example don't like to shake hands, they like to put their hands to their chest and they bow, so when you approach a Japanese person, that's how you greet them.

It makes suck a big difference. Also the Muslim culture, women are treated very differently in that culture, so as a female I wouldn't go up to a man that might be a Muslim and shove my hand out and expect him to shake my hand with further . That isn't the way it's done.   

You have to approach people of other cultures with an open mind and take your cue from them as to whether or not it’s ok as a woman with a Muslim male for example to be in heir space and to shake their hands because that's not how women are traditionally treated in their culture.

That's a distinction that I've learned about networking, take your cue from the person that you're talking to and be aware as well as how comfortable they are and how close you can be to them before you make them uncomfortable, 

Michael - How did you learn to do all of this? Were you always good or did something happen which helped you to become better? 

Caroline - Well I have to confess I am an NLP trainer, so I do understand about sensory acuity, and how to create rapport with people on a technical level. But I also feel that my experience over the years, as I become more aware that we're just energy beings, I'm very intuitive, and I can actually feel that I'm too close.  

I can actually feel that somebody is distracted. I can feel when it's time for me to move onto somebody else - either because the person that I'm talking to has lost interest, or because they've come with a different agenda and they're keen to move onto someone else.  

So it's again about having a sense of awareness about yourself and about awareness of the person as well. You can use NLP techniques to build rapport, to match and mirror another person’s body language, or just get in rapport with a persons breathing patterns, to and feel more connected to with them.

I've also observed successful newcomers, I've looked at how they do it. I've gone to seminars on networking, I've read books, and I’ve travelled and I've spoken to people of different cultures, and that's how I've learned what I know about networking. 

Michael - What do you believe about yourself when you network? 

Caroline - What I believe now is that I am just a very lucky person, 

Caroline -I feel that I am just surrounded by people that are so brilliant, and so great, and for them to turn up at this event and to share what know with me, I find that people have such vast amounts of experience about anything, and that the variety of things that different people do - so I just consider myself lucky. And for me, luck means being in the right location, understand that you're in the right location, connecting with people, - and knowing what to do with those connections, once you've made them. 

Michael- Now you may have already answered this question before, but it gives you a chance to maybe add something - what do you believe about the people that you're networking with? You've come into a room where you don't yet know anybody - what basic assumptions do you hold about the people there? 

Caroline - My assumption is that - you know what - that there are no coincidences. 

Caroline - and that's something I firmly believe. I that I'm meant to be here, at this time at this place with these people - and the fascinating thing is sometimes it's not for weeks or months or even years later that I appreciate why I've me this person. So that's what I go in there with, that everyone's amazing we're all connected. 

Michael - and going back, do you have a personal mission or vision? 

Caroline - I do 

Michael - And who is Caroline when she networks? 

Caroline - when I network my personal mission really is to inspire people, really to appreciate who they really are, and I just want people to achieve their fullest potential. That's really my outcome when I go out to network with people - how can I help this person to achieve their full potential? 

Michael - Ok, before I ask for your contact details, is there anything else that you would like to add? 

Caroline - Actually yes there is one thing I'd like to add. When I'm going into a networking situation I'm always thinking “is there something that's interesting about me that's unique, that would enable this person to remember me?” 

Caroline – I talk about the things I do for other people. I mean the thing that I'm most proud so far in my life is getting to the top of the summit of Kilimanjaro and we're just about to build a school for disabled people in Africa, because in African disability is seen as some sort of curse. 

They're not as aware of it as we are - so that's one of the thingsthat I try to think about when I'm talking to someone new, to tell them something that's unique to me and that memorable. 

Michael - Can give everyone your contact details? 

Caroline - if anyone wants to contact me they can email me at

caroline@caroline-newman.com  or they can call my office 08454309972.

Michael- Thank you very much. 

Caroline - Thank you Michael.